Out and About

He was a diplomat’s son, he was anyone

I’ve been on a bit of a Vampire Weekend binge recently, and my favorite songs thus far have to be Diplomat’s Son, Diane Young, White Sky, and Ladies of Cambridge. That last one is very fitting granted that I’ve taken my spring break to hang out in and explore Cambridge, Massachusetts in order to visit some friends at MIT. While the weather on the whole has been pretty nice, there have been days leaving me doubting whether going further north was a good choice for my break.

Boston has reminded me what a real city is like, much unlike Pittsburgh. Functional and adequate public transport, real restaurants, lots of people, a real downtown, real shopping, actual sidewalks that don’t put you side by side with cars, and more. Coming here gives me the motivation to not get a job in a boring city, which is among my main goals right now.

I also came across this app Rando, which lets you send a photo to a random person in the world and then you receive one from a different person. It also lets you see where the photo came from which is really cool. It’s like mini insights into other peoples daily and cultural lives.

I’ve had dreams of Boston all my life.

Love Fades Away But Things Are Forever

In the spirit of Valentine’s day I’m going to talk about a theory I’ve had. I’ve ran this concept by my friend Allen multiple times and he approves of it. Everybody else just thinks I’m an idiot though.

People shouldn’t love other people. That’s just asking for struggles and disappointment and lots of capital cost sunk into something. Instead, people should love their smartphones. Here’s why:

iphone-5-2012-09-14-600-21

1. It’ll always be there for you. (As long as you treat it well and charge it)

2. At least for guys, it’s probably the object most consistently proximal to your genitals. That should endear it a special spot in your heart.

3. It can keep you company in the bathroom.

4. It answers all you queries and questions without sass.

5. If you acknowledge the importance of industrial design and user interface/experience, then you’ll probably invest in a nice looking phone (for me the iphone 5) and never tire of its elegance and beauty. Also, that beauty will not fade with age unless you treat it poorly.

6. It’ll always be completely honest when you ask it how you look. Dem front facing cameras don’t lie.

7. You can use it to get actual sex (Tinder, Grindr, etc.)

8. It can’t cheat on you.

9. It won’t leave you.

10. You can use it to ignore actual people.

Red In My Veins

There’s this light on the ceiling of my room.
It does a pretty good job of lighting my room,
even that tall, awkward spot in my closet.
I like that light.
But it’s right above my work table,
So I cast shadows on my work sometimes.
When I use my x-acto knife to cut things,
I might not tell my arm apart from the table
Or finger or toe
And then I feel a prick.
It looks like a black dot.
Then I move and the light shows a pretty red dot.
I think it looks nice.

One day I was told my insides were black
But I could make myself pretty.
So I went to work one day,
I cut a lot of paper.
The first few cuts are usually crooked and weird
But it gets easier and cleaner
And you can see cute patterns.
My paper isn’t covered in dots this time,
It looks more like streams or waterfalls.
It makes me feel alive.
And pretty.
Red is prettier than black.
I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.
But now everything is turning black.

She Can Always Be Replaced

I don’t want to let go.

You mean everything to me and if you leave I’ll have no reason to stay behind. I lost you in a fog that concealed my love and left me wandering into nothing. I left you in a place that should never have been created and means death to me. There is nothing I can say to bring you back and no map to guide myself and no reason to find you. There is nothing that can make me the person we both wished I could be. There are pages written and thrown away all because of you and your eyes that withhold every truth and every word that I ever said. There is only so much I can do and now there is nothing to do but only hope for your forgiveness. I would die just to hear the sound of your voice over the look of betrayal and perhaps even a slight sign of kindness. If I can not set your soul on fire then I think it’s done and I will go on and weep for the idea that I killed and the moment that I could never partake in.

But here I am again with the inability to tell you who I am or what I want. Instead all I know is that you can not and never will be replaced and I am sorry for every pain I caused you that you never deserved.

With all my love,

It’s Only the First Week of the Semester

This is why Frozen is the greatest movie of the year.

And also this interpretation of Let It Go. Courtesy of http://doctaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.tumblr.com/

On the other hand life is great. I actually get to build things this semester and learn useful knowledge, along with probably getting rejected from 99 companies and getting an offer from one.

Also, I’m only writing this post because I want that beautiful sidebar that logs the months of my posts to have January 2014 added onto it.

Sleepless Nights

Due to my fucked up sleep schedule I woke up at 5PM today and can’t fall asleep now.

In the past two hours of laying in bed I’ve had a realization. Back in May I wrote about how the night before my first marathon I was essentially having a huge panic attack because of my doubts about finishing the race and couldn’t fall asleep. But now I just realized that I was panicking and worrying because I had unconsciously committed myself to not fail. I had decided somewhere along the way that I could not fail and not finish the race, that I could not say it was too much for me, that I could not turn my back on it. My own pride led to my breakdown the night before, but it also led to my success the following morning.

Compliments on a Sweater

I wrote you a letter.

In it I told you everything I hated and everything I loved. I told you about the world in black and in blue and in green and under the cover of my bedsheets. I wrote about how I believe in you and cherish every breath you take. I reminded you about that sweater I wore on our first date and how you cried into my shoulder and clutched the soft fabric and remarked how beautiful it was. I reminded you about that time I almost quit on you and that time you almost quit on me. I wrote so much my pen ran dry twice over and the paper bled the smudged ink. I wrote more than my heart could think and more than my brain could feel and more than I thought was fair for you to know. I told you of the song about you that I never got around to writing and that one poem that almost ended us and that other poem that held us together. I reminded you of when I first said I loved you but actually meant I loved to sleep because I was only half awake. I wrote to you about how I would give this all up for your kiss. I told you I wouldn’t wait for you because I knew you would come home. I reminded you of how beautiful your eyes are. I wrote you a letter to tell you how you set my soul on fire.

I went and burned that letter. I brought this letter instead and am wearing that sweater you cried into once.

With all my love,